Now that I have access to the blog we can start keeping track again.

Poker at Nik's

Last Monday we played poker at Nik's. Some guys were there. We ate not so tasty pizza and spicy snacks. I don't remember much else, except that I was the big winner. It's fun being the big winner.
The chart doesn't include the game at Rafi's from a couple of weeks ago, but blame Rafi for that, not me.

Poker

I don't know what happened last week, because I wasn't there and no one mailed me the scores.
However, this graph incorporates the data from the previous two weeks.
We ate stuff, we drank stuff, we noshed stuff.
Adrian showed us all his cards, or some other daftness.
Nik told some quite unbelievably hilarious stories and jokes and was generally the undisputed humour hot-spot of the evenings.
Etc.

Poker at Gary's

Last night poker was at Gary's. Rafi, Adrian, Eric, Yossi and Jonah were there. Ariel wasn't there because he was coming back from Australia. Jona wasn't there because he had somewhere else to be. Nik wasn't there because he didn't fancy the shlep to Modi'in.
Anyway, the form book was adhered to. Jonah won lots of money, Adrian lost some money (though not as much as usual).
I asked Yossi how come Jonah won so much money. This was his answer, which I quote without having asked his permission to do so: "He was lucky and had a big stack. Then he raised all the time and won a fair amount of money when people folded before the river".
Scores were:
Rafi 26.5
jonah 117.5
eric -9
adrian -23.5
gary -63.5
yos -48

Poker at Adrian's

Poker last Monday was played at Adrian's, on his new stolen-by-the-Chinese Burman wood table. Nice white chairs too, one of which was slightly spoiled by Yossi. Talking of Yossi, we saw his smooth stomach.
Adrian served spag bol. Plenty of drinks and low-cholesterol snacks too. Very grown up it was.
Adrian invented yet another f&ck up: putting the deck he was dealing upside down on the table so we could all see the bottom card. Very amusing it was.
The evening started with Adrian's 4 of a kind raping Rafi's top full house. Towards the end, Rafi raped Nik's top four a kind with his own nasty 4 of a kind. Rafi finished nearly 100 up, despite the earlier rapage.
Adrian lost all of his money. Nicholas lost nearly all of his. Eric wasn't far behind.
We played a game called 7 card stud 8 or something. 7 card stud with a low hand. Some liked it (Yossi), some didn't (everyone else).
Yossi walked into Adrian's glass sliding door when trying to enter the flat. What a complete and utter idiot! Doesn't he know you should open doors before trying to walk into the room?? It was so completely hilarious the way he just walked into a solid sheet of glass!!! We laughed and laughed. It was just brilliant and so funny. What a buffoon! Ha ha ha!
Next up, Eric and his slatty table and deck.
Scores were:
Adrian -75
Nik -62.5
Eric -59.4
Gary 34.5
Rafi 96.5
Jonah -4
Yossi "thinks he can walk through glass" Unterman 69

Poker at Eric's But Hosted by Ariel

Last night poker was at Eric's house though Ariel hosted. This is how Rafi described it for me:
"We polished off 3 roast chicken and mashed spuds. Drink and chips were quite sufficient
I got raped several times but fought back skillfully bravely to end the night even
Adrian didn't whinge that much but he did comment a lot on Jonah's luck
Yossi still can't tell the difference between Jona and Jonah
We lost a 10 shekel poker chip under the slats on eric's verandah"

Scores:
Eric +6
Jona +17.5
Jonah +59.5
Adrian +25
Rafi +0.5
Ariel -20.5
Gary -22
Yossi -66

Poker at Yossi's

Last night everyone except Ariel (who was swotting up for an exam, the swot) played poker at Yossi's. Yossi served spag. bol. (the new hot dogs and chips). There were seemingly unending supplies of Coke Zero. Nice crisps too.

But who cares about that? Last night was a crazy night of poker. How crazy? Well, Nik finished 72 shekels down, but actually did better than all the other people who also finished out of pocket! Two Kings (Yoss and Gary) finished over 100 shekels up!! The people who ended up down won five hands between them all evening!!! That's how crazy.

Just look at the graph! Gary has gone from being second bottom to 3rd in a few weeks. And Nik has gone from being 3rd to second bottom in just a few weeks. Jona seems to be the King with the steadiest keel, but then he has also missed more weeks than any other King. Which makes him somewhat more of a Knave, I think.

Adrian moaned about his lack of luck. Jonah taunted him mercilessly.

Jona told this joke: An Israeli and a Chinaman were talking. The Israeli said to the Chinaman, "How many people live in your country?". The Chinaman said, "Oh, about 1.3 billion people. And how many people live in Israel?", he asked. "Oh, about 7 million people, give or take". To which the Chinaman replied, "Really! What hotel do you live in?"

(Really crazy) scores from last night:

Jona 43.5

Yossi 123

Gary 134.5

Jonah 30

Nik -72

Eric -96

Adrian -90.5

Rafi -72

Poker at Jona's

On Monday we played poker at Jona's. He made some chicken thing to eat (again). There were some crisps and drinks. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Jonah started the evening with seven consecutive full-houses, but even then he had the temerity to complain about the size of his winnings. Cheeky.

Nik lost all of his money before 11 and scarpered. Pretty poor show by Naughty. Not the kind of thing we encourage.

Adrian won money for the third time in a row. This can only mean that he will soon start losing badly again.

I thank Adrian for emailing me the schores on the doors:

Yossi -45
Ariel -32
Rafi -51
Adrian – a sensational and masterfully crafted +53
Gary – +39.5
Jonah – a – once again - very lucky +102
Big cry baby Nicolas -75

Jona +8

Poker at Rafi's

Last night we played poker at Rafi's place. Rather than tell you who was there, I'll tell you who wasn't there. Jona wasn't there. Now you know who was there.

Rafi made spag. bol., despite that being the same as last week's supper. It was tasty (apparently). There was good nosh and drink. Beer was offered, but only 25% of the IPKs took Rafi up on the offer of beer.

It was an event-filled evening of omaha hi-lo, except I don't think that Adrian invented any more fu(k ups. He also won money. Perhaps those two facts are related.

Some buffoon kept on raising another buffoon, thinking that his four twos would win the pot, and completely failing to see the possibility of the running flush. Another buffoon took half the pot with the nuts low. Bunch of buffoons.

And then there was the time that three Kings split the pot as all of them had the three and five that gave them the nuts high and low.

Yossi was back, which was nice.

Scores were:

Adrian 72.5
Eric -7.5
Gary 37
Nik -86.5
Rafi 79.5
Yossi-62.5
Jonah -50
Ariel 17.5

I'm still completely gutted by the way.

Poker at Jonah's

On Monday we played poker at Jonah's place. Jonah was there, as was Eric, Jona (briefly), Adrian, Gary and Nik.
Jonah cooked spaghetti bolognese and it was very tasty. Pepsi drinks were served. The crisps were plentiful and diverse in the flavours. Well done Jonah!
Jona arrived just in time to eat, and left very shortly after that. Something about his daughter hitting her head and vomiting. He gets +5 points for parental concern but -20 points for ditching his poker mates so early. So the whole affair leaves him 15 points down. Shame on him.
Adrian invented a new f*$k up. It's hard to believe that there are any left, but he seems to conjure them from thin air. This time, while we were playing Omaha Hi-Lo, he proudly explained to us that although he could have called the straight f*&k up, he realised it was actually a f!£k up. Instead, he said, puffing out his chest with pride, look at my flush! By now you will have realised there was no flush. There were only two diamonds on the table.
A more minor f^ck up was dealing cards to six people when there were only five of us around the table. That can be forgiven.
Eric won lots of money and Nik lost lots of money. Jonah won some money. Jona lost a bit of money before scarpering off. Gary lost a little bit of money, and Adrian lost a little bit more money.
It might interest you to know that every time Adrian has played poker this year he has lost on average 39 shekels. It might also interest you to know that the gap between Jonah and Adrian is a whopping 1092 shekels.
Scores were:
Eric 79
Jonah 20
Jona -20
Adrian -10.5
Gary -10
Nik -61

Poker at Ariel's

Last night we played poker at Ariel's. Yossi was in real miluim and Jona was in kind of miluim and Gary was in London. However, because my cousin Simon came (of whom more later) we were seven Poker Kings. Ariel served chicken and vegetables. He had as many bags of crisps as a supermarket. Plenty of fizzy pop too.
Predictably enough, Adrian lost nearly all his money. I've posted an updated chart of his winnings and (mostly) losings this year. Of the 15 times he has played poker, Adrian has been down 11. He has broken the -600 mark for the year.
My cousin Simon did very well indeed, taking 50.5 shekels back to England with him. Once again I apologise for having invited him and I'll vet any future guests better in the future. The young 'uns nowadays just don't know their place.
Jonah opened a lead over Yossi at the top of the leader board. Adrian can just dream of such lofty heights.
Adrian's latest f^ck up was to pick up the burnt cards instead of his own and hope to play them. How does he do it?
There was one absolutely hilarious moment when Nik (the cad) took some black chips from the metal box of chips we played with at Gary's last week and pretended to bet with them. Everyone laughed so much it took about fifteen minutes for play to resume. Everyone was high-fiving Nik and telling him how he is the funniest guy and how so very funny it was that he put chips from another set into the middle of the table. Definitely one of the all time poker highlights ever.
Other stuff happened but I don't really remember it.
Scores were:
Jonah 69
Simon 50.5
Nik 25.5
Rafi -8.5
Ariel -61
Eric -10
Adrian -65.5

Poker at Gary's

Last night we played poker at Gary's. I think I'm right in saying that we were lacking our two tallest players. Certainly our most Mancunian players.

Gary made some burgers on his Modiin BBQ (I think one comes free with every house in Modiin). There was plenty of fizzy pop and crisps.

We played no less than three different games last night, which is quite remarkable for us. There were no f%ck ups, to the best of my recollection. So what did happen last night? Not much. We played poker. Gary lost a bunch of money. Adrian won some money, bringing him above the -550 mark. Well done, Adrian! No huge winners or losers.

There was one particularly interesting thing about last night, though. See if you can work it out: The people who lost last night were Ariel (-19) and Gary (-43.5). The people who won money were Rafi (24.5), Adrian (7.5), Eric (12.5), Nik and Jonah (19 each). Have you worked it out yet? That's right, the winners actually won 20 shekels more than the losers lost. So what, you say, that's happened loads of times. True, I reply, but add: everyone went home with the right amount of money in their pockets! How does that work? What combination of idiocy must have occurred? This means that some people miscalculated their winnings or losses, and then some other people (or maybe the same people) miscalculated how much they were meant to take. Too late to do anything now. But it's, like, weird.

Poker at Nik's

Last night we played poker at Adrian's pad, though Nik was the financial backer for the evening's food - fried veal sausages with baked beans and chips. Crisps were not lacking. Nor was drink. But it was a bit dark.

Adrian fucked up a deal and called a low when there wasn't one. Other than that he just had bad luck.

Nik folded only to see a running flush materialise. He had forgotten the golden rule of poker: never fold a running flush. He shall not be so foolish in the future.

Eric managed to turn around his 50 shekels earnings and end the evening on a loss. Yossi won so much early on that his late losses made no difference. Jonah will be disconcerted by the sight of Yossi's line creeping up towards his own. Everyone else is bumbling around the zero mark. "Everyone else" did I say? I should have said, everyone apart from Adrian who dropped below 550 shekels this week, despite last week's slight upturn in fortunes.

We discussed supermarket packaging.

Scores on the doors:

ade -6.5

nik -21

ariel -28

eric -26.5

yoss 47

jerry 0

rafi 35

Poker at Adrian's

Yossi submitted this report:

Poker was at Adrian's last night. After we had finished eating saussies and beans (Adrian was inspired by rafi's previous week's culinary
achievements) Adrian regaled us with stories of other types of eating.
We never knew Adrian took bodily hygiene so seriously.

Apart from that, Adrian spent most of the night sighing, moaning and cursing his bad luck (not his bad skill). Ariel's full houses beat Yossi's full houses twice in a row, Rafi had 4 2's and managed to make 7 sheks, and gary re-discovered his lost brilliance.

Scores:

Adr -79
ariel -30.5
raf -25.5
gaz 71
yos 64

Poker at Rafi's

Yossi provided this posting:

This week Adrian came to the stark realisation that poker is simply a game of luck, and that he didn't have any. He blamed Jonah for this, and Jonah took full responsibility and accepted a thrashing from Adrian for Adrian's losses. Jonah was also responsible for Adrian missing a full house in his hand. Other trivia from the evening included Jonah realising that he had the winning hand while the money was being divided, rafi stealing money that was not lawfully his, a stunning rendition of "Ken Lee", the redneck song, by Rafi, and a lesson in statistical analysis by the likes of Michael Jackson, Aqua and Meatloaf.


Beans and saussies were served in abundance - we had a gas.

Scores:

Yossi 73
jonah 56
eric -31
ariel -12
raf -13adr -72

Poker at Jonah's

Last night poker was at Jonah's. He was there, as were Yossi, Rafi, Eric, Gary, Ariel and Adrian. Jonah reported:

"Hot dogs and chips were served with an abundance of snacks and drinks (there were leftovers of each).
I remember Yossi burping something that smelled more like a fart, and the term “rip you a new asshole” was used repeatedly."

Adrian did a new f&ck up: he dealt from the bottom of the pack face up. Well done, Adrian. Some people are beginning to suspect that you plan these f$ck ups in advance. Don't take that as a suggestion.

Although I wasn't there, I'm pretty sure that last night was a good night for poker. Lots of people won or lost quite a lot. Gary lost all his money (again). That alone has to make the evening good. Adrian is creeping slowly but inexorably towards the -400 mark.

Yossi - -46
Raf – 78.5
Ariel - 35.5
Eric - -38.5
Jonah - 54
Adrian - -8.5
Gary - -75

Poker at Ariel's

Last night we played poker at Ariel's. You'd be forgiven for thinking we were at Gary's, but no, we were definitely at Ariel's. Adrian and Jona weren't there. Ariel served home made meat pies. Proper cooking. Real home cooking. The first time anyone has really done proper home cooking. I had a veggie pie and it was lovely. It had a nipple on the top.

Looking at the chart you can see that Adrian managed not to increase his losses (by not coming), while Yossi and Jonah increased their lead at the top. Eric made a mild gain, but Nik, Ariel, Gary (all losing over 30 shekels) and Rafi lost ground. No real f$ck ups of note this week, except a couple of misdeals in the haste towards the end.

Jonah amused us greatly with his army stories. We were all pleased our tax money is spent so wisely.

Eric amused us when he got a phone call at 11.40pm from a man who sounded like a woman and who had a photo of Eric running the Tiberias Marathon (or should we say, Marathon Tiberias The 28th). He wanted to send it to Eric. So Eric had to spell his name. This took a while. Then the guy who sounded like a woman tried to sell Eric a CD with 400 photos from the race. Eric got the giggles and managed to end the call, though at the cost of his dignity.

First outdoor poker of the year - that fact is definitely worth a mention.

The scores were:

Jonah 67.

Yoss 48

Eric 13

Nik -30.5

Ariel -43.5

Gary -32.5

Rafi -17

Poker at Gary's

I've got no idea who ate what last night. Rafi describes the evening as "pleasant", but says that the only thing I really missed was a game of poker.

Yossi 9
raf -47
gaz 42.5
ariel -12.5
jona 8

Poker at Yossi's

Last night Gary, Adrian, Nik, Rafi and Ariel played poker at Yossi's flat. Yoss made his speciality spag bol, which went down very well. Lots of food and drink too.

After making a bit of money last week, Adrian refound his touch and lost nearly 50 shekels last night. I've made a special Adrian chart this week so we can all see exactly how he has done week by week. Remarkable.

Also remarkable was Yossi's remarkable comback. Having lost all his money in under 3o minutes (a record), he actually finished the evening with a 6 shekel profit. Isn't there some saying about money going to money, or something?

Equally remarkable was the hand in which Yoss lost nearly all of his money. He bet shed loads on his aces over kings full house, but Rafi, who also bet shed loads, beat him with his four kings. What a surprise! We were much entertained. Nik and Ariel seemed to be sharing every other hand for a certain period during the game, which was fun (for them).

Adrian told us about the time he went swimming in the sea, and Yoss told us about the time he had a dip in a rock pool in the Golan Heights. Inspirational stories.

So the scores on the poker doors last night were:

Adrian -58

Ariel -48

Yoss 6

Rafi 52

Gary 22.5

Nik 25.5

Poker at Adrian's

Last night we played poker at Adrian's stylish but dimly lit flat. In attendance were Nik, Rafi, Eric, Adrian, Ariel, Gary and Yossi. There was food, drink (no real coke, much to Gary's disappointment) and plenty of nosh. Quite a lot of cards got played too.

As you can see from the graph, little really changed. Adrian is still marooned way off the bottom. Gary lost more money than he's ever lost before at poker (all 75 of his shekels) and dropped below Eric (the shame of it!).

Just when we thought that it wasn't possible, Adrian introduced us to a new fuck up last night - the returning a chip instead of your cards fuck up. That was quite good. They other one wasn't really his fault, but he still did fuck up. Yoss somehow dealt himself and Adrian five cards. Seeing as we were playing the four card game you can see how that might have been a problem. Yossi noticed. Adrian didn't. In fact, he was very pleased with the excellent hand he had been dealt. We laughed and laughed. Now that I come to write this, I'm not sure why we laughed so much, but we did. So it must have been very funny.

Eric made a great comeback from nearly losing all his money to actually finishing the evening shekels in. Well done Eric!

And that's about it. There's nothing else I can remember. Apart from the things I have mentioned, nothing else about the evening was in any way noteworthy or memorable or remarkable at all.

Scores were:

Nik -3

Gary -75

Ariel -30.5

Yoss 2.5

Raf 39

Adrian 44.5

Eric 22.5

Poker at Eric's

Last night poker was at Eric's. Rafi and his brother were there. Maybe Eric's brother was there. Adrian was there. Yossi was there. Jonah was there.
There were all sorts of shenanigans when it transpired that Yossi had forgotten the chips in Tel Aviv. Eventually spare chips were located in Gary's place. Phew.
The decision was taken to play with 2 identical decks. This lead to much confusion and general hilarity.
The graph tightened up a bit, with the top two leaders both losing. That doesn't include Adrian, who lost even more money.
Adrian thinks poker is at his next week, so that's something to look forward to already.
Scores on the doors:

Adrian -30
Eric 45.5
Rafi -12
Yossi -19.5
Jonah -24
Ariel 40

Poker at Jona's

Last night we assembled at Jona’s sparsely furnished home. Nik, Adrian, Rafi, Jonah, Gary, and Yossi were Jona’s guests. Jona made sausages. Not sausages and chips, or sausages and onions. Just sausages. However, there was plenty to drink and snack on.
The evening started with a flush fuck up performed by Adrian (who else?). Thus he carried on his form from previous weeks. In fact, just so as to make it even clearer to us all, I have made his line on the graph thicker and added the values to it. By the end of the evening, Adrian was not finding poker much fun at all. Everyone else was though. Adrian nearly got into a fight with Yossi.
Nik did an original fuck up last night too: instead of waiting for the fifth card to be dealt and absolutely bleeding Rafi dry (three aces), he showed his pocket kings (full house) after only the fourth card. He took the pot, but was left to rue what might have been…
Jona was expecting a guest at midnight, but they didn’t arrive. Shame.
The scores on the doors last night were:
Adrian -125
Gary 67
Adrian -125
Nik 41.5
Rafi -43.5
Adrian -125
Yossi 71.5
Jona 21
Adrian -125
Jonah -33.5
Adrian -125

Poker at Rafi's

Last night the Kings assembled at Rafi's haunted flat. We were all there, apart from Gary, and including Ariel. Rafi made spag bol. Plenty of drink and crisps. All good.

We played some poker, quite a lot of poker, actually. And the outcomes were very odd.

Adrian, Eric and Yossi all lost more than their original 75 shekel stake. Nik and Jonah more than doubled their stake. You'll have noticed that the chart starts from zero, as was requested.

Adrian moaned about his teeth and the moaned about his cards. He got shafted lots of times. Yossi bet like a buffoon against Jona and ended up getting quartered. Jonah won loads of money.

I made some very funny jokes, including one about turning the cards around. Laugh? We nearly crapped ourselves.

The smoking room was a bit cramped - Rafi might consider moving the lounge wall in a bit before we next play at him (probably some time in 2011).

The scores last night were:
Adrian -92
Eric -84
Nik 80.5
Rafi 29
Yossi -77.5
Jona -14
Jonah 115.5
Ariel 42.5

Poker at Nik's

Last night we convened at Nik’s for poker. Yossi, Adrian, Rafi, Gary, Jonah and special guest Ariel were all in attendance. We ate pizza. It arrived on time. Adrian didn’t and moaned. Yossi arrived unshaven.
We played tons of poker. Adrian and Jonah started the evening as both of them meant to go on, with Adrian chucking loads of money in Jonah’s direction. Adrian finished 111 down; Jonah ended up 151 up. Rafi also had a shocker and lost 79 shekels. Yossi did well, winning 50.5 sheks, an achievement that would usually look good, but that was put in the shade by Jonah’s huge win.
Rafi tried to tell us a story that started with, “I was staying at my grandma’s place”, but he couldn’t get any further than that. Rafi also got shafted a couple of times by having a weak kicker. He wasn’t very happy. Nor was Adrian.
Because I have cats there were some pussy jokes.

Poker at Jonah's

On Monday we played at Jonah’s house. Jona, Adrian, Yoss and Nik were there. Jonah made chili and rice. There was plenty to eat and drink.
We played many hands of cards. Nik lost lots of money. Yossi did very well.
There was some talk of a frightening hat worn by black man.
Adrian showed us a photo of his deceased fiancée. We were all very moved.
Scores on the doors were
Nik -64.5
Yoss 41
Jona 10
Adrian 18
Jonah -4.5